I’m Scared to Try

I’m scared to put myself out there.

I’m scared to finish my book and release it.

I’m scared to post regularly on social media.

I’m scared to be noticed.

But above all, I’m scared to not be noticed.

After months of putting it off, I finally started an Instagram (@kirajcole) to accompany this blog. Part of my apprehension was not knowing what to post, but most of it was just plain fear.

What if I get followers, say something stupid, and then lose them all? What if no one follows me in the first place? What if I get a lot of followers and it’s too much pressure?

Yes, I worry A LOT. Too much. Fortunately, I know myself well enough to know I should ignore the nonstop loop of negativity in my head.

I think back to the first time I sat down to write my novel, knowing I intended to finish it. I was literally shaking. The thought of writing a whole book, tens of thousands of words, was intimidating to say the least. What if I put in all that work and people didn’t enjoy it?

I pushed past those doubts day after day, and now writing my book is fun most of the time. Sometimes it’s a struggle, but I definitely don’t feel that fear when I sit down to write anymore.

I’ve spent a lot of time waiting for my circumstances to be perfect. Those perfect circumstances, whatever they even are, aren’t any closer to reality than they were years ago.

So, even though I feel like an idiot, even though I feel like I have nothing to say, I’m going to try.