My last day of work was Friday, July 19th.
I endured a summer of rejection before I landed that job. It was supposed to be my small town dream job. I had my own desk (I’d never had one and always wanted one), sane management and coworkers, limited contact with the general public, and the kind of routine, detail oriented work that I like.
Early on, I don’t remember whether it was a few days or a few weeks in, I was staring off into space at my desk. Unprovoked, this thought popped into my mind, You won’t work here very long.
Fast forward seven months later, and my employer is going through a budget crisis and organizational redesign. I had the option to stay and work through the changes, possibly in a different role, but I didn’t have any desire to. This was my divine out.
Fast forward a month and a half, and here I am. My first Monday of self-employment. At this stage, everyone but my best friend thinks I’m delusional, and I don’t blame them.
My first thought when I woke up was, What have I done? But as I went about my morning with a distinct lack of dread and anxiety that I would have on a typical work day, I quickly regained my optimism.
Before I quit, many people suggested that I keep working and pursue writing on the side. When the writing replaces my income, then I can quit my job. This is the responsible person’s way.
I’ve never been able to focus on more than one big thing at a time. When I worked part-time while in college, I took one class during summer semester and failed it because I was too exhausted to study. When I quit my job and focused on school, I was able to take five difficult classes at once and get straight As. I have enough energy for one big thing in my life. That thing can have a lot of moving parts, but it has to be one thing.
So if I did things the “responsible way”, I would fail. I would be an unaccomplished, tired, sad, employee and writer. Which is exactly what I have been the past couple of years.
In a week or two I’ll be posting the first “episode” of a space opera I’m working on. It’s something I’m doing for fun while I’m in the editing and publishing stages of Dark House. My ultimate goal is to be a fiction writer, and I’ve been putting off sharing my fiction with you long enough!