What’s kept me from writing these past months is my negative feelings about myself. I can’t tell you how many times I opened a blank document with the intent to say something, then talked myself out of it. I’ve reviewed chapters of my book draft, not editing, just judging.
The short version of why I stopped writing is I quit my job to write, lost the will to do anything at all, got another job, partly because I realized that hating my job was a great motivator for me to write. Lo and behold, I hate my new job, and it actually has motivated me to start writing again.
As I was sitting around trying to talk myself into writing, my brother told me that he enjoyed my Tenacity Prime series so far and wanted to know what happens next. I went back and read the last installment, and by the end of it, I wanted to know what happens next too.
The heart of my procrastination problem is that I’m afraid that I’ll put a bunch of work into something only to have it be ignored. But that doesn’t matter at all. The real travesty would be for me to ignore all the words and ideas in my mind that want to come out.
Not a lot of things bring me joy at this point in my life, but art does. If I don’t pursue it nobody benefits. If I pursue it and not much comes of it, at least I brought joy into my own life, if no one else’s.
So here I am. No schedule, no real plans, only continuing Tenacity Prime and working on my novel. Episode 5 of TP is up on Wattpad.