I’m Scared to Try

I’m scared to put myself out there. I’m scared to finish my book and release it. I’m scared to post regularly on social media. I’m scared to be noticed. But above all, I’m scared to not be noticed. After months of putting it off, I finally started an Instagram (@kirajcole) to accompany this blog. Part…

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I’m Too Tired for Art and I Don’t Have Time

This is a terrible excuse. Still, I make it constantly. Pretty much every day. When I’m at home, I think about work (regular 8 to 5 work), and when I’m at work, I think about how much I’d like to be at home, making art. I will never paint the paintings I want to or…

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The Click – A Little Prose #2

Everything feels wrong at first for someone as neurotic as me, but I have learned to have patience for the click.  The click from uneasy to sure, from stranger to acquaintance, from murkiness to clarity. It’s coming, just gotta wait for it.

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Reaching – A Little Prose #1

I look around and think, who are these people? Is this what I am? Am I different? Is that better? Should I drown every part of me that’s confused and uncomfortable, and feels that there’s more than this? Of course not.

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I Got What I Wanted, Now What?

I got a new job! The kind of job I’ve been wanting since I graduated from college almost three years ago. No contact with the general public, nice coworkers, my own desk, and plenty of work! New Job, Week 1, Tuesday I’m incredibly nervous because I have so much to learn about my job, and…

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Getting to the Good Part

I love painting. I hate drawing. In addition to writing, making art is a calling of mine. This means I can’t stop doing it, even though I go through phases of thinking I’m horrible at it. I took most of the art classes offered at my high school, I went to art college for a…

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Rejection Part 3: Actually Getting Over It

I wrote about rejection (twice) as if I dealt with it well. I didn’t. My self-esteem has been in the absolute toilet since July. I sat down and wrote for my book for the first time in a long time on Thursday. My thoughts were bleak as I began to type: This is stupid, terrible…

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The Subtly of Progress

I’m impatient. You’re impatient. We want to start doing something and immediately have it be the best thing that’s ever been done, no matter how firmly the logical parts of our brains tell us that isn’t going to happen. I looked up one day and I had written 20 blog posts. I looked up one…

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Lowering My Expectations

When I decided to write Dark House (the working title of my book), I had some big plans. Some big, ridiculous plans. The first draft was supposed to be done by August 1st, giving me about four months to write it. That date has come and gone and I’m a little under halfway done with…

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